On Saturday 20 September I joined many others for the third annual Christian Befriending Conference, organised by Bethany Christian Trust and Edinburgh City Mission in partnership with Friends International. The title of the day was Transformation: Changing Lives through Befriending, and I came away feeling both encouraged and challenged about what it really means to befriend.
Befriending is a relationship supported by an organisation to enable meaningful connections.
What struck me most was the reminder that befriending is not quite the same as friendship. As a friend or relative I know I cannot fix everything in someone’s life, and befriending recognises that truth. It is structured and supported, with boundaries that help both the befriended person and the befriender. Yet within those boundaries lies something precious: the chance to walk alongside someone, to be a stepping stone into community, and to offer a place of belonging.
Jesus’ words in Matthew 25:40 keep ringing in my ears:
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”
Befriending is God’s work, not mine. It is his love flowing through us. And it changes not only the lives of those we support, but our own lives too. I have often been humbled by the generosity of people who have very little, yet give with open hands. Their kindness teaches me to hold less tightly to what I have, and to see God’s abundance in new ways.
I was also challenged to think about pre-judgement. How quickly we can make assumptions about people based on appearance, accent, or background. Classism and prejudice about socio-economic status cloud so many interactions. When we pre-judge, we diminish another person and often close our hearts to what God wants to show us through them. Befriending calls me to strip away those barriers, to see each person as made in the image of God, and to be willing to learn from them.
In fact, meeting people who are different from me has been one of the richest parts of this journey. When I spend time with someone from another culture, or listen to someone whose story is far from my own, I find that I catch a glimpse of God that I would never have seen otherwise. We are all unique, yet all created in God’s image. By crossing divides of culture, class, or language, I discover more of who God is. Philippians 2:4 reminds me,
“Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Befriending gives me the space to live that out.
At the conference we were reminded too that loneliness takes many forms. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Loneliness can come from missing family, longing for home, or feeling unheard. I know this from my own life, as I miss my grandparents very much, which is why I love spending time with the older people in our church community. Their stories, wisdom and humour make me feel connected in a way that eases that absence.
I also think of new Scots who face daily uncertainty and fear because of headlines about asylum seekers. Now is the time to reach out, to change the narrative, and to show what Christian love looks like in action.
Befriending is not just about kindness, it is discipleship. It shapes me, stretches me, and draws me closer to Jesus, who himself crossed the greatest boundary by becoming human. He shared our struggles and our joys. He came near, he listened, and he loved. If he was willing to cross that divide for me, how can I not cross divides for others?
This conference reminded me that befriending is both a gift and a calling. It is about welcoming others as Christ has welcomed us, and discovering God more fully through the people we meet along the way.
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