A sermon, based on Ephesians 5: 1-20 and Luke 24: 44-53. Inspired by Philip Yancey's What’s so Amazing about Grace, John Piper's When Does Humour Become Sinful, and Brady Shearer's Toxic Masculinity in Christianity (A Man’s Perspective).
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, our Rock and our Redeemer. Amen.
I want to start today with a little story that many of us might recognise, either from church or family life.
Picture a small child sitting quietly in church, turning around with a big, cheeky grin and smiling at everyone nearby. They’re not causing a fuss, not interrupting the service, just smiling. Then their parent leans in and whispers sharply, “Stop that grinning! You’re in church!”
I wonder how many of us have seen that happen, when a child’s innocent joy is gently, but perhaps unnecessarily, curbed.
It makes me think about the God we worship, not a stern, joyless God who frowns upon laughter, but a God of joy and delight. A God who created us with a sense of humour, who rejoices over us and delights in our happiness.
Now, when Paul writes in Ephesians 5 and tells us to avoid “crude joking,” he’s not trying to ban laughter altogether. The Greek word he uses, eutrapelia, refers to a very specific kind of humour: the mean-spirited kind. Jokes that tear others down. Sarcasm that wounds rather than warms.
That’s very different from joy. The Bible is full of joy. In Psalm 126, we hear,
“When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter.”
This is the kind of laughter that bubbles up after sorrow. The laughter that comes when you’ve been through a hard time and God has brought you through. It’s holy joy. It’s a gift.
So we’re not called to be solemn or grim. A life of faith should be full of joy, even laughter that surprises us. But Paul warns us against another kind of speech, remarks that wound. So-called “banter” that leaves a bruise.
Words carry weight. They stick. And even when we mean to joke, what we say can land in someone’s heart in a way we never intended.
Let me share a recent story about a young Christian named Brady Shearer. He works online, mostly helping young people and churches engage with social media well. On one of his videos, a man left a comment: “What shade of lipstick are you wearing?”
Brady replied kindly, explaining that the medication he was taking made his lips dry and sore, so he used a moisturising balm for relief. He also gently said that commenting on someone’s appearance, especially someone you don’t know, isn’t appropriate.
The man, who turned out to be a church pastor, dismissed him with:
“You’re too soft. It was a joke. I prefer toxic masculinity to no masculinity at all.”
We’ve all heard jokes like that. And let’s be honest, we’ve probably all said something we regret, even if it was “just banter.” But this story reminds us how powerful our words can be, especially when they come from people in leadership.
Brady reflected that now, at 30, he’s secure in who he is. Comments like that don’t hurt him like they used to. But that wasn’t always the case.
He shared that as a teenager, he was deeply insecure. It was in church youth group that he first felt like he belonged. But a youth leader he admired often made little jokes at Brady’s expense, tiny digs and put-downs. When Brady showed it hurt, the leader said, “Lighten up. Stop being so sensitive. Learn to take a joke.”
Brady said he got loud, brash, always ready with a comeback. But inside, he was hurting. What he needed wasn’t someone to “toughen him up,” but someone to remind him who he was in Christ.
He said, “The answer wasn’t thicker skin. It was a deeper foundation.”
This is so important. Because in British culture, we often prize dry wit and banter. But it’s worth asking: do our words build others up, or chip away at their confidence and peace?
Just before our reading today, in Ephesians 4:29, Paul tells us,
“Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, as fits the occasion, so that it may give grace to those who hear.”
That’s the test. Does what I’m about to say give grace? Does it build up?
Brady’s story reminds us that identity, especially for young or vulnerable people, is shaped by what others say. As Christians, we’re called not to be sarcastic or cutting, but to reflect Christ’s love in our words.
And in Luke 24, after His resurrection, Jesus meets His disciples in a quiet, ordinary moment. They are confused, afraid, and unsure of what comes next. But Jesus doesn’t respond with frustration or disappointment. Instead, He patiently opens their minds to understand the Scriptures, the promises, the prophecies, the purpose of His life, death, and resurrection. He shows them who He truly is, and through this, He helps them see who they are called to be: witnesses of hope, bearers of peace, and instruments of God’s love in the world.
Jesus doesn’t shame them for their doubts or mock their confusion. He doesn’t belittle them for their fears or failures. Instead, He meets them where they are, with kindness and grace. And then, having restored their understanding and renewed their courage, He sends them out into the world, not with criticism, not with sarcasm, not with harsh words meant to harden them, but with a blessing. A blessing that empowers them to carry forward the message of love, forgiveness, and new life.
This moment reminds us of how we, too, are called to interact with one another. We are called to open minds, to bring understanding, to restore and encourage. Not to tear down with careless words or sharp jabs, but to build up with grace-filled speech. Just as Jesus blessed His disciples, so we are invited to bless those around us—with our words, our attitudes, and our actions.
Because the way we speak can either dim a person’s light or help it shine brighter. Our call is not to make people tougher through mockery, but to build them up through grace. To bless. To encourage. To speak with love.
So this week, maybe we can each think about how we speak to others. At home, in the shops, on the phone. Are our words life-giving? Do they show kindness? Do they reflect the joy and gentleness of the God who made us?
Because people don’t need to be hardened by harshness, they need to be softened by grace. And that grace often begins with a word spoken in love.
Amen.
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